the guilt is eating away

mike and i came to a sad decision yesterday: we posted an advertisment on craigslist for Hawkeye. as an animal shelter volunteer and self-proclaimed animal lover, i never imagined myself to be adopting out one of my own pets. i feel like a failure that i haven't felt confident in providing the affection and companionship Hawkeye deserves. and the guilt is killing me in the thought of giving away a family member. i can't imagine having to give away one of our cats, but hawkeye is just a different story. he gets plenty of exercise, but the attention he gets is more in the form of annoyance because he's so high maintenance. rarely do we go downstairs to just sit with him and pet him or spend time with him. he's missing out on that affection that dogs receive in homes with dog lovers (who don't have babies to tend to 24-7). i think about our family growing in the future and it scares me to imagine juggling more than one kid while still trying to give hawkeye the attention and time he needs. so we posted an ad on craigslist with the warning that we would be very selective in choosing a home. in less than 24 hours i had a response. a young, active couple with another dog. they live in creston, so we're trying to arrange a visit in the coming week. i must admit, from her description of their home and how they view their other pets, they sound perfect. but i burst into tears when i read it. in some ways i was hoping we wouldn't find him another home because it seemed crazy to give away our dog. but if i have to be honest with myself, he could probably be happier with another family who could provide him with more love and companionship than we have been. we've been tolerating and managing him as a responsibility instead of loving him as a pet. so, it's not a done deal, but the possibility is there. i feel terrible. but we're proceeding. cautiously.