Looking back at the end of last year, I'm reminded that I didn't have a long list of resolutions for 2013. I was mainly intent on having a garden. I did, and I call that a success. I was wildly engaged with the garden this summer. Being out there, pruning, observing, picking, and even weeding provided me with so much joy. As someone who has always considered myself a black thumb, it was very encouraging to have a successful garden. I know that not all years will go so well in that department, but this one was so enjoyable. The canning did take over my weekends for months on end, but cracking open a jar of homemade tomato sauce for pasta when it's 5 degrees outside has reminded me that the hard work pays off in continued joy throughout the colder months. I hope to keep "garden" on the resolution list for years to come.
I'm surprised to see that I didn't vocalize anything about wanting to try and shop locally as much as possible. All year I worked off of the assumption that this was a year's goal. Intended or not, I am very happy with how much we purchased locally this year. A few years ago we joined a CSA, which we still participate in during the warmer months. All of our meat is now local, thanks to our membership with the Iowa Food Cooperative. We also get laundry detergent, make-up, soap, flour, and many many other things through IFC. It's been the best discovery. I try to buy gifts locally, and use a local coffee bean roaster. We aren't 100% locavores, but we do a pretty decent job.
I took a peek back at my 2012 resolutions. While I don't want to place my focus backwards, it's nice to see where I've gone in the longer term from where I wanted to head two years ago.
- We still have no will. We just cannot answer the question of who we leave the kids to if we both die together. This is infinitely hard for me, but still, we seem at a wall. It's even harder when we are on a plane together. Not that it happens often. Happily, though, it will happen in 18 days!
- This actually brings me to another 2012 resolution that didn't happen; going on a week-long, childfree trip for our 10 yr anniversary. In 2014 we'll be celebrating our 12th anniversary. A week just isn't possible from what we've surmised from all the issues we have in finding childcare for that length of time. But thanks to my mother-in-law, my brother, and two very amazing friends, I will get to join Mike on a long weekend in Amelia Island, Florida in a couple weeks. Outcomes is sending him there, but luckily he only has one presentation and he anticipates not having to do lunch meetings or the usual schmoozing. So this might work as our belated trip together to a tropical place :) Now if I can just work on not getting strep throat on the plane ride there...
- I have been consistent with reading. It's still not vigilant thing, but it's consistent, and I have finished 5-7 books a year the past couple years. That's feeling huge for me, given the small amounts of time I spend alone (in silence) :) I'm now doing a short-term book club with my mom through Polk County Conservation, where we meet once a month to discuss nature/human interaction-based books. I'm also in a book club with a couple friends.
This year, at age 35, I have accepted several things about myself with relative ease. It's refreshing to me that with age, I find myself more confident and less anxious. I have been able to embrace various characteristics about my personality without judging them, or placing (de)valuation on them. I seem to see my strengths and weaknesses more clearly now, just as they are, without viewing the weaknesses as failures.
One characteristic I've come to accept and embrace is my lack of interest in long-term goals. I don't really have any "goals," so to speak. I have no idea what I'll do five years from now when my kids are all settled into full time school. Unlike some friends of mine, I don't have a bucket list that I want to accomplish before 40 (45, 50.....) I have no plans to travel to X country on my 40th birthday, nor do I really even know what I want to do when I grow up :)
But I'm super committed to short-term goals when I put my mind to them. Deciding to do Farrell's, and working my butt off until I won the $1,000....deciding to run a half marathon, and committing to the 20-week training, committing to run projects for my children's schools, and so on-- these are things I excel at. I'm really good at living in the moment, and I think I embrace the present in a way some others strive to do. I don't do as well with maintaining long-term interest, though, which is why I can't seem to come up with a life professional goal. I'm very focused on what's happening around me, and passionately throw myself into those circumstances. When I was pregnant and nursing for 4 straight years, I saw myself moving forward to get certified as a doula, or a La Leche leader. As those parts of my life passed, so waned my interest in hanging around in those areas. Right now I'm passionate about getting my kids outdoors, and getting involved with their schools in order to raise my voice about the importance of "No Child Left Inside," and the need for kids to be in nature more than they are now. But as my kids grow, will this interest fade into something new? Possibly. I've decided to accept and embrace the knowledge that this is how I am. It's a strength and a weakness, and I can roll with that as life moves forward.
Here's to more self-acceptance in 2014. And to a few more short-term goals :)
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