The qualification conundrum

        ***I want to be clear that I don't actually expect anyone to read this (assuming I still have more than two readers anyway). But I need to write it to allow myself space to process my thoughts as I move through a new phase of life. Here's where the narcissism of blogging comes in handy on a personal level, as it allows me to journal in new age digital style, yet feels entirely too self-indulgent given the public platform. With that said, onto my much-needed musings.***

At the top of my 2015 resolutions was to tackle the job search, and figure out my future employment strategy for when Gavin begins kindergarten in the fall. My kids went back to school from their winter break on January 5th, and I immediately went to work on this goal. In the past five weeks I have been absolutely consumed with the convoluted search for employment. My head is spinning and I find myself running into a wall, turning and hitting another wall, over and over and over and over....

I started with a visit to Drake University's career development services, where a fantastic woman offered to help guide me through transforming my decade-old, and overly-academic, curriculum vitae into a workable resume that reflects the skills earned through volunteer work over the past few years. This is not an easy task.  She also helped set me up with some contacts around campus based on my interests, since most of the people I knew at Drake have since left.

I met for an informational interview with the Director of International Programs at Drake, who I found to be incredibly helpful and receptive to my questions. She was also very honest that Drake's International Center only employs a very small handful of people, and even their administrative assistant positions (which I know from my mother's experience in the Law School are quite low paying) are filled with women who chose to take a lower paid position for which they are overqualified, in order to be parents to young children and stay in the DSM area. Hmm, sounds like a familiar beat. A couple days afterward, I met with a colleague of Mike's in Drake's pharmacy school, who also worked with Drake International as part of a university-wide effort to add global focus to programs within each college, and left that meeting with some very visual reminders of the politics and sometimes stagnant policies on university campuses, and the harsh reality that talking the talk is one thing, and backing up the talk in terms of funding and hiring practices is quite another. Ah yes, I *DID* need the reminder of what I wasn't missing about academia. Thank you for that.

My friend and former grad school colleague hooked me up with an MD researcher from UI about possible short-term data collection work in DSM. After our phone conversation, it seems to be possibly promising for me, except that this researcher has already finished hiring for her project, thus I'll be on the back-burner as a plan B.

Another friend and former grad school colleague (currently a Latino business and community outreach coordinator for ISU-Extension) has urged me to take on additional volunteering roles to get my foot in the door at various NGOs, in the event paid positions ever pop up there. I stepped up my volunteering with the Iowa Food Cooperative, and I connected with Eat Greater Des Moines and offered to volunteer my services, all in the vein of thinking forward. EGDSM immediately hooked me up with a project through Dallas County Public Health, which is a short-term funded project to put more fresh produce into rural convenience stores and tiendas in Dallas County in order to increase availability of fresh food to rural and Latino communities. They thought I'd be great as a volunteer researcher, to help collect data from store owners and customers on what products are most sought after, and if more produce is purchased after the trial period.

My family has come to think of me as a full-time volunteer in the last year because of the amount of work I've been doing for a multiplicity of organizations. Three months ago, I would have been unequivocally delighted to be included on this public health project for my potential to add to the team in some way. Yet the Me-of-1-month-ago can't help but recognize that nagging feeling of frustration that in any given meeting, I am the one and only unpaid member of this project team. The whole reason I sought to get involved in the first place with some of these types of projects was to familiarize myself with researching again, and get my name out in circles that relate to my interests. But I'm having a hard time shaking the itch that I'm taking on more and more unpaid volunteer work during a time when I spend evenings pouring over job postings on multiple job search sites.

To complicate this, I'm finding that at least two contacts referred to me by friends (to whom I'm externally grateful for keeping me abreast of possible opportunities) have shown a heightened interest based on the tip that I am "bilingual." That's a tricky word. I would not have referred to myself as bilingual even during the times I lived in Spanish-speaking countries and went about my day speaking Spanish as a primary language. I haven't spoken Spanish in a decade, and the part of the brain that handles a second language quickly fades away without practice and exposure; at least in my personal experience. I accompanied a friend and his colleague on a preliminary visit to tienda owners, pitching the fresh produce project. As I listened to them explain the project, the expectations, and possible rewards, I was painfully and quickly reminded that I don't operate on that linguistic level anymore. It would take a *lot* of reintroduction to conversational Spanish to get to a point where I could even consider taking on a job with expectations of communicating in Spanish. Until then, I have no business touting that as an overt skill.

I got really, very excited about the opening for an assistant naturalist at Polk County Conservation. A seasonal position that runs from April-October (woot! I wouldn't have to be out in the winter? Bonus), it is a 40/hr week job. I wasn't expecting to jump into full-time work right off the bat. And being that I don't have a background in environmental science, I had guessed I wouldn't be qualified to apply. But reaching out to friends in the office revealed that if I could communicate to kids on school field trips, and work well with people, I was well-suited to apply. I got set to fill out the application....that is, until I looked into the cost of childcare for three kids during summer break and realized that $12/hr was going to pay for that and nothing more. If I could convince myself that taking this seasonal position would help me work up to something greater and more permanent, then I could even possibly convince myself to take a job that does no more than break even with childcare. Maybe. But I don't think I could ever truly move into a more permanent position as a Naturalist or other similar career without going back to school for a related degree, and we all know I am NOT going back to school.  I think I'd love that job, but I haven't figured out a way to make it work.

Recent perusal of job openings on the American Anthropological Association's website (an association of which I have not been a member for nearly a decade) show me that the nearest open positions are still a state away. Another friend and former grad school colleague just asked if I might want to move to Portland and do research for the VA, as she and many other friends currently do. I'm feeling tied to Des Moines because of family, community, our house, and many other reasons. The Des Moines VA doesn't house a research center, so that seems off the table for me.

I could potentially start teaching as an adjunct faculty member at nearby universities, but scraping together a decent income from a class taught here and there isn't easy, and may lead to taking on night classes or a schedule that is contrary to family life, which also seems contrary to the priorities and decisions I've made over the course of the last decade. And honestly I don't get excited about teaching. I get excited about the prospect of regaining some dignity and recognition as a PhD through reentering academia, but the actual work of taking on courses doesn't light a fire under me. And I suffer from a complete lack of confidence about my ability to instruct young adults on much of anything after being away from scholarly work for so long.

In short, I'm location-bound, and that's a disadvantage in many ways to any job search. Having a gap of a DECADE on my resume makes me terribly under-qualified for jobs that would utilize my degree. Yet having a PhD on my resume makes me terribly over-qualified for jobs in the public sector that don't require a graduate degree. I'm in this very strange employment purgatory where none of the roads out have cleared.

And yet, I'm still so very privileged to be in the place I find myself. Subsisting on one income has become a way of life for our family, and I haven't had to consider salary as my primary point for decision on future employment options. I'm fortunate enough to sit and ponder the directions I *prefer* to go in finding a job, rather than having to take the first position offered to me that provides a livable wage. I don't have to be in a hurry to find something, even though I feel an urgency I hadn't expected to feel. I feel guilt that I'm spending so much time entrenched in job search-related activities, when I really want to be enjoying my last six months of full time parenting. I so enjoy being with Gavin in the afternoons, and don't want to let these last months with him at home slip away because I'm so obsessed with what I'll do when he goes to school. It's a tricky balancing act between planning for what's to come and enjoying what's in front of me.

Relying on faith is not a strong point for me. Even so, I maintain a certain confidence that in time I'll work my way through these questions and find a good fit for my employable self. I may cobble together short-term, contract, or part-time jobs here and there to work my way toward where I want to be. And that will be fine. Just going to move forward on faith and hope, and try to celebrate the present as much as I can along the way.