it's october 10th...

and THIS is how we spent our morning:






brrrrrr.....!!!

here are a couple photos of the 4 men in my life:



both boys love their youngest brother, but it's especially fun for me to watch benjamin play the "big brother" roll, reading to gavin and kissing him all the time. the other night i did a trial run of putting benj to sleep with gavin in my arms (for the nights mike will have to work, and i'll be in charge of bedtime for all 3). i was all teary eyed as i sat there in the dark, and benjamin repeatedly patted gavin's back and rubbed his head while trying to put himself to sleep.



when it comes to babies, the "third time is a charm" rule must apply because gavin is the best, easiest, sweetest thing ever. he rarely cries or fusses, he sleeps all the time and without bother, and is cuddly and warm and downright perfect. i couldn't be more in love.

first week gone already

with each subsequent child, i'm reminded ever more strongly of how quickly time passes. at gavin's one week check-up yesterday, he was already 11 ounces above his birth weight. he never spits up, so i guess he just packs it in. soon he'll be rivaling his brothers for cankle size. i'm trying to savor every moment of newbornness in case i never get them again.





my doula (in the photo below) stopped by the other day and brought us a delicious meal. it's those little unexpected generosities that keep me positive about the juggling act ahead.


i have loved every aspect of the postpartum period of the homebirth aspect. i got an hour long visit 24 hours after the birth, another hour from my doula 48 hours after his birth, 72 hours after yet another hour follow-up from my midwife, and then 1-week and 2-week visits (all of these in the comfort of our home--i haven't even busted out the car seat yet to take him out of the house). it feels good to be able to nest at home, not hurried to go anywhere. all the follow-up visits for him that would usually require us to go to the ped's office (in the midst of cold and flu season, nonetheless), happen right here in our house, one on one, with the same caring people i've gotten to know over the course of the last 9 months. in fact, barring any unforseen illnesses, i don't plan to take gavin to the ped's office at all until his 2 month vaccination visit. my comfort level is so different this time. i like that not only are they doing weight checks, uterus checks, and the normal post-partumy stuff, but also spend a lot of time chatting with me about how i'm feeling, how i anticipate the challenges yet to come, if people are dropping off meals or offering to take the older kids for a morning, and if i'm asking for the help i need. i can definitely tell they take post-partum depression to heart and are on the look out for it. it's hard for me to think back on my previous two births and realize that after leaving the hospital, i had no follow-up until the 6-week post-partum check up at the OB's office. it doesn't seem like enough, now, coming from this experience. i just feel so blessed to have received the care i have gotten, and to have received the gift of a birth experience that left me feeling at peace and just simply, right.

First moments of the brothers

Welcome Baby Gavin

I'm so happy to announce the arrival of our son, Gavin McCall, at 7:32 AM this morning. He weighs 8 lbs 1 oz and has a head of dark hair. The labor was 6 hours, from 1:30AM till birth. He was posterior, so the back labor was a challenge, but my amazing husband was there for each contraction, pushing on my back. He was born in the water as planned, which was amazing. It was a beautiful birth of a beautiful boy, and I can't think of one thing I'd change about it.





Midwife Kari checking Gavin over


Cosette, midwife extraordinaire





Tomorrow he'll meet the brothers, so for now, we enjoy the peace and quiet of a non-chaotic house.

5 days and counting....

every night i swear i'm going into labor because soon after going to bed, i have lots of lower back achiness and nausea that keep me awake for hours. my braxton hicks have also become pretty powerful, and feel more like real contractions; starting low and increasingly becoming intense. but no baby by morning! just a lack of sleep :( my almost-2 hour prenatal appointment with my midwife today was great, and she assures me that my body is doing the slow and necessary work to thin, stretch, and efface the cervix in preparation for the "real" thing. it's funny that i feel like a first-time mom, since i've never experienced going into labor this way before. in the past it has been a broken bag of water and induction of some sort. it's both nice and entirely mentally challenging to do it this way!!!

39 weeks


i'm in love with benjamin in jeans


my silly 3-yr-old

wicked, wicked, wicked.

oh, yesterday could have been SO much better. {gigantic sigh}. shortly after waking up, i felt a trickle down my leg. given that my last two labors began with a broken water bag early in the morning, compounded by the fact that we had wanted to make it past yesterday so we could use our tickets to Wicked yesterday afternoon, my first thought upon feeling this little trickle was, "Yep, that's about right." hours later, though, no more trickling. my midwife wanted to check me just in case, since being strep B positive, i needed to have antibiotics before 18 hours passed after a water bag break. as soon as my mother-in-law showed up to watch the boys for us so we could go see the show, we raced off to my midwife's office. the good news was that she found no evidence of rupture, and my cervix is still "long, thick, and closed"-- aka, no signs of impending labor. i should've have felt relief, but i left with a hollow pit in my stomach. we picked up food on the way to the show, but before i could eat the, er, loose stools set in. i did manage to make it through the entire first act of wicked before running to a bathroom at intermission. 10 minutes into the second act, however, i could be found vomiting into my purse. of course this could not have happened during a big, loud song...oh no, but during quiet dialogue. bless the people around me who didn't stare or act disgusted-- they were very nice. my wonderful husband had sprung for fabulous tickets just 5 rows from the stage, and dang near center stage, so i swear even the poor actors on stage may have heard me wretching. as soon as the next loud part began, we made our way out of there quickly (note to self-- purses are not water proof, and will leak) and into the bathroom where my incredible husband insisted on cleaning out the purse and trying to salvage anything from my wallet that could be saved (including the literal laundering of $45 in cash).

upon arriving home, i went straight to bed where i was for the next 14 hours. between bed and toilet. i was afraid all the dehydration and heaving were sending me into labor because i altered between contractions and stomach cramps for five hours straight. all i could think of was, "there will be NO peaceful water birth at home if i'm in labor-- just send me to the hospital, drug me up, and put me out of this complete misery." mike was on kid duty, and unbeknownst to me, jack began vomiting shortly after we got home, too, so my poor husband was dealing with more of other people's vomit yesterday than anyone ever should. he still managed to sneak into my room and leave bottles of gatorade and plates of dry toast and crackers by my bedside in between all the chaos downstairs. my hero! it's not a wonder that he is now feeling achy and chilled today, and had been in bed for several hours while i try to return the favor.

yikes, just when we thought we might actually get to see that show.... fate steps in again. i will just accept that the universe is not okay with us seeing wicked (at least till the end).

another baby-prepping weekend gone....

we continue to check things off of our pre-baby to do list, and we're not left with nothing but "make baby announcements" and "pack an emergency hospital bag." it's a pretty prepared spot to be in, really. i still hope for the final 2 weeks before the due date to mentally prepare myself, and do some last minute reading of inspiring birth stories. but i'm feeling a little closer, if nothing else.

38 weeks:


3, soon-to-be-4, Case Haub boys


the landscaping around the deck that we finally finished:


We headed up to Boone yesterday for a visit to see Thomas the Tank Engine. Jack and I rode the train and he enjoyed some other activities at the event:






Benj was there, too :)



And afterward, we had lunch at Hickory Park in Ames with Mike's grandmother and great aunt.


My 38-week prenatal appt. is today, and I am hoping hoping HOPING the midwife tells me that Gavino the Bambino has rotated back out of posterior position. He had managed to make his way into it a week ago, and since then I've spent quite a bit of time on hands and knees to encourage him back out of it again. One night I was sure I was going into labor because of shooting back pains, and I panicked quite a bit because I had no idea how I'd deal with advanced labor if that was how early labor began.... turned out I was having practice back labor due to his posterior position. I'd like to avoid that if at all possible when the real thing comes! Yikes. Not a good sign when your midwive tells you, "Yeah, I don't know how women deal with back labor. That is really a tremendous challenge." and her nurse and midwife apprentice also tells you, "I had back labor all three times and I literally thought I was going to die." Honesty is great, but yikes!

to add a little bit of complication....

my midwife just called to let me know that my group B strep test was positive. homebirth still on, but now with IV antibiotics added in. she wasn't too concerned since it's pretty common, and the bacteria can come and go (it even may not be there at the birth). on the one hand, this finally gives me an explanation for why my water broke prior to labor the first two times. on the other, it's a nuisance i would've rather avoided. hopefully it won't be too much of an alteration to our plans.

getting there

37 weeks--check.
labor affirmations printed out and ready to stick up in birthing area for encouragement--check.
tub delivered and set up--check.


baby clothes washed and hung in closet--check.
newborn disposable diapers purchased for first week--check.
newborn cloth diapers washed and ready to go--check.
several meals in the deep freeze--check.

so why do i feel so incredibly un-ready for this child?

there are a few more items on the to-do list, like making and addressing baby announcements, finishing the landscaping around the deck, buying and setting up a storage shelving unit for benjamin's room (mainly to put all 30 of our baby blankets), packing an overnight bag for the boys if they need it when i go into labor, and sanding down benjamin's sticky door. nothing too earth-shattering, though.

there are a few other "milestones" i'm pushing to reach, which while unnecessary, holding baby in till after these dates pass would be more...convenient. the remaining goals are:

1) don't deliver till after next saturday. my parents are out of town till then, thus our plan for where jack and benjamin go will be seriously diverted.
2) don't deliver till after next monday. my doula is out of town till then. we knew about this trip before we even hired her, but decided to do so anyway since she was the best fit for us. her back-up doula was our second choice, and would do a great job, but after spending hours with the doula of our choice, it would be a bummer if she couldn't be at the birth. (note on how the villages we find ourselves in can be so small: our doula's back-up doula (diane) was who doulaed for our doula (megan) at her two births, both of which were in her home and assisted by the same midwife i'm using (cosette). so they all know and work with each other well).
3) don't deliver till after next thursday. we have tickets to see wicked that afternoon, it's opening day in dsm. after failing two other times to see this show, it would be a shame if we lost out again.
4) don't deliver till october. there is a lot more dissertation to be written!

obviously, all of these things can be worked around if i go early. he'll come on his own time and i'll accept it. but no matter how hard i try, i can't get on board yet with the coming baby.

i don't think it's about the upcoming labor. and unlike last time, it doesn't seem to be about my worries for the older kids and how they'll react to a new baby. i guess if i press myself, all my braking on this new guy is more about my worries over a lack of support system once he arrives. i feel so completely supported now, with frequent meetings with my midwife and doula, visits to the birth circles once a month, all of my days to work on the diss. since mike took time off this month, and frequent date nights we've been doing to get as many in before baby comes. but once he arrives, i see everything disappearing before my eyes and i'll be left with three kids age 3 and under and a complete lack of confidence in my ability to handle that patiently and gracefully. after a week or two, the midwife and doula disappear. mike is only taking off a week of work this time since he doesn't get paternity leave, and has to use one of his two weeks of vacation (which starts over oct. 1st, so we really don't want to use it all right away). i hardly expect my parents to help out much, and mike's mom will come when she can, but it will be for a couple afternoons here and there to entertain the older boys. i don't know when and how i'll organize a nanny schedule again to pick up where i left off with my dissertation, nor do i have a good idea of how i'll finish strong on so little sleep. in truth, i've had a big break from full-time parenting the past few months, between the nanny being here and mike being here this month. i don't even remember how i kept my cool so easily before when on round-the-clock kid duty, much less adding in a breastfeeding, needy infant to the mix. compounded by the beginning of cold weather, seasonal blues and cabin fever, i'm a little concerned (for the very first time) of a greater risk for post-partum depression.

i guess i'm a teeny-tiny bit panicked. i realize i'll just have to take it one day at a time, but at the moment that relaxed approach isn't helping me. i'm super duper jealous of a friend of mine whose husband gets 6 weeks of paid paternity leave. she had her third child recently, but seems completely unphased by it. i think if mike magically got 6 weeks off from work, i'd be in a very different place right now. well, at least a slightly different place.

just breathe

last night we went to the friends of iowa midwives fundraising picnic. my doula is on the steering committee, and i was eager to show my support. FOIM is a lobbying group that is working, like many others across the nation, for the licensure of Certified Professional Midwives in our state. right now, nurse midwives are the only legal midwives that can practice in iowa (and about half the other states), which is why i've been able to plan a homebirth, since i found one who remarkably does them. CPMs work outside of the hospital setting, and if the legislature passes the bill that allows them to be licensed, thus legal, out-of-hospital births will be much more accessible to those who want them, and quality prenatal care will be more easily accessible, too, for those without insurance or of lower income. it was a fun evening and the kids had fun watching the capoeira and belly dancing demonstrations. mike was teasing that we'd probably meet a lot of kids named "rainbow" and "happiness," but i told him, say what you will about those lefties, they bring the BEST potluck food. and it was :) their silent action was phenomenal. i won three items: a prenatal massage from a therapist my midwive had suggested, a basket of champagne & glasses, wine & glasses, chocolate and various cheeses/crackers for our post-baby celebration (in a cute basket that will be used for our THIRD set of cloth diapers, soon to be put into use), and a handmade pendant celebrating women. while i won the items for bids less than their given value, let's just say the FOIM still got a pretty sizeable donation from me last night. i also purchased a "born at home" tee shirt for the wee one to come. i was really hoping that by buying it 5 days before i'm full-term, i won't jinx myself into an early labor that would whisk me to the hospital. i decided to take that chance.


today i've been trying to relax and have faith that he'll come on his own time, which will be safe and easy. all night last night i could hardly sleep due to braxton hicks. today i have some lower back achiness, which has freaked me out a bit, but is not progressing into anything. as long as nothing gets stronger or more frequent, i'm remaining calm. but being 4 days away from the 37-week point has me a bit on edge. if i were to go into labor at 36 weeks and 6 days, i'd still have to transfer to a hospital and miss out on the homebirth i've waited for (and spent lots of money to have). i'm not really in a hurry for this guy to come, but on the other hand, saturday could not come any faster!